my last weekend of freedom starts now.
tonight i'm off to see harry potter, and then i'm going to go out for an expensive dinner, just because i'm BACK BABY! I'M BACK IN THE FLOW!
i usually splurge big when i get a big chunk of change. when i won $1000 at the casino i bought a laptop. when i got my first wave gig, i leased a 4runner and bought a laptop. when i got my second chunk of telefilm money i went to NYC and bought a laptop. when i got my gig on mustard pancakes i bought a dvd surround sound jobbie. and then i bought a car. and then i got a huge chunk of telefilm money, and i didn't buy a damned thing because i had to go to school and pay for it and all. and i had just bought a car.
so now i'm back in the flow.
and all i've rewarded myself with is work clothes. shame.
as a freelancer, you have to live frugal. i'm the king of frugal, in fact, in another language, i'm sure that frugal and fergus are spelled the same. but when you get a nice little nugget of $$, it's nice to reward yourself.
so i'm going to eat like a king. i love food.
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE i went out this morning to take care of some things and forgot to put my nicotine patch on. i walked past a woman and she smelled bad and i got SO mad i wanted to yell at her that she 'FUCKING SMELLS, TAKE A SHOWER!'.
knowing that this is not like me, i wondered where the hell that burst of rage came from, and then i realized i was out in the city without my crutch. i started to rush home to put one on, but then i figured i might as well give it a go. i'm now nicotine free for the whole day. last night i took off the patch at 1 am. i have been 'free' ever since.
my flesh feels really hot though.
and i want to fucking punch stuff.
no one can understand. those who have quit can't quite recall the edge you get. i played video games in the afternoon, not for pleasure, although it is fun, but to keep the mind on the long term goal of not smoking. anything. i'm going to try
a) overeating popcorn
b) overeating delicious fat food
c) alcohol
and
d) sex
whatever it takes, my friend, i'm willing to go the distance.
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2 comments:
DO NOT go the alcohol route, it full of danger...when it comes to slipping back in to old habits, after most people start smoking by casually having one when the are drinking with there friends.
Take it from me, stick with the Popcorn and sex...although I've never smoked, nor quit smoking, those two choices would be the on the top of my list.
Darling Boy,
When I quit for 6 months, I had to do an entire lifestyle change. That meant no bars, hanging out with people, etc. I had effectively become one of those annoying reformed smokers. Yeah. But, what I had discovered was coffee gave quite a morale boost in the afternoon and I had started a rather effective body sculpting routine at a nearby gym.
Start something new. It'll help. Also deep breathe like a mother%^$%#. After 7 minutes, any craving will pass. Take off the patch. It is a crutch. You don't need it. If you really want to stop, you'll stop. You're bigger than anything.
Love to you.
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