FACE-SHAKERS ANONYMOUS

life long boxer "FMC" has decided to give it up at the age of 47.

a face in motion is not pretty! i'm fucking howling right now going through all these photos - all 47 of them. what DID people do for fun before technology? oh yeah, create the human race.

okay, so you take the camera, point it at yourself (or at others), and just start shaking your head like the future of your sex life depended on it. shake it hard and fast (and make noises if you'd like) --- this is not sexual innuendo, this is how to do the photos like a professional. this is serious business and you've got to approach it seriously.

i would post pics of those who were unable to get a good strong face shake (sarah smithers!) going, just to show you what not to do, but perhaps trial and error is the best way to learn.

as for the rest of us, we are here in all our glory, face-shaking ourselves through christmas.

i laughed so hard i had to lie on the floor to prevent abdominal damage.


i'm back at work, by the way, for all those who are wondering where i am or why i'm not around.

i also went to the eaton centre today after work, hoping that it would be empty and there would be massive sales on because everyone would be afraid to go there after the shootings. not the case. place was packed. i found a nice pair of pants for $30 (even though i went in to find basketball shoes), stood in line for 3 seconds, then realized that i had to get out of there. thanks to lou for calling me and breaking the trance.



DRUGS SUCK

yo yo yo

christmas has come. i had no idea. it came so fast. i was working and sleeping. now it's here. finally it sinks in a bit as i look across the street at the pretty christmas tree in the window next door.

the photo is of all the gifts in our apartment (almost all - the ones i bought are in the bedroom). that's mostly stacey's gifts, and a bag of bass's.

the beautiful thing about my beautiful gal is that she loves to give. she doesn't do it because she's a materialist or because she needs her family to love her for the things she buys them, she buys them because she loves to give things to people, which is one of the few good reasons to set foot in a consumer centre. sjs is one of those people who puts time into thinking about what a person would love, what would mean something to them, or be incredibly useful.

those who lament the 'consumer culture' and 'shallow shoppers' lump in people like my gal onto the crap pile. the truth is, there must be millions of people who love to buy for people, who put a lot of thought into the gifts they get others, and who do it because they love, not because they need love.

of late, i've been the thoughtful gift giver, giving gifts that make my family members cry. it's a tough act to follow. this year i couldn't wrap my head around anything overly touching, so i just sat around thinking about what my lovely family members would love to have, or need to have.

for my younger sis, i just get her what she wants. whatever i can afford, i will buy her.

there's a method to the madness: when she was 17 and working for peanuts, she wanted to show me how much i meant to her and so she went out and dropped every cent she had on buying me a nintendo 64.

yes, a silly, dated, video game system. but i was so touched. the fact that she was so selfless about it, that she sacrificed all the money she had to try to make me have a great christmas, was so damned touching. my father had only been gone a couple years at this point, so we were trying to do whatever we could to keep christmas special. he was mr. christmas. loved it. and our traditions at christmas are set in stone because of it. my children will also hear their drunken father at 5 in the morning singing pavarotti downstairs. joy.

so this year she gets an ipod. not because material objects are a currency in the business of love (although i'm sure they can and are used that way), but because i can afford it, and i love her, and i want her to have something i know she would really love.

christmas may seem shallow and base and vain and pointless to those who don't enjoy it, but to those who do, it's such an incredible time. i have always loved, and will always love, having everyone in my family, or as many as we can manage, together, drinking and laughing and eating and listening to pavarotti and getting in fights in front of the house, and drinking, and singing, and fighting, and loving, and arguing, and staying up all night, and generally carrying on like a bunch of irish louts. that's christmas. doesn't sound like fun to everyone, but it's heaven to me.

so long, merry christmas everyone!

much love

f

wow

i can't write well at all, so forgive my degenerating posts of late.

i got rejected from telefilm. paying off that 5 digit visa bill is just going to have to wait until i can see straight enough to write something great again.

the above comics were written by my morbid 13 year old (am i right, josh?) cousin and he wanted me to post it on this site, so here it is. (click the pic to have it expand so you can read it)

a small spoof on harry potter because, as Josh responded to my 'why' questions, "all their names can be translated into really funny sounding ones, like fagrid", which i'll admit, i chuckled at.

christmas time is coming, and the office building i work in has no sign of any holiday approaching. in the main foyer of the entire building is a big christmas tree, which actually makes me smile, but in the office itself it's business as usual. people just working. no one even talks about the holidays or christmas (or sex for that matter - could be a correlation).

my bro is asleep on the couch. i woke up thirty minutes ago. i insist on playing basketball tonight. passions die slowly. i refuse to let this one go simply because i'm tired, even though my exhaustion is making me play like shit. i took, and missed, 14 shots on sunday. every shot. it was so infuriating. i left my happy place in a vile mood. ironically, it was the falling snow that cheered me up on the walk home.

the city is alive with smiling faces. it warms me like coffee, and gives me less bowel movements. (that's a shout out to my cousin josh - he of the blue angel non believers)

christmas

red wine, cheer, laughing, stories, love.

the wintertime of my youth

On Monday after work, Louis (check his site HERE) and I went to Julian (spinach) and Javelle's highschool basketball team match up. (Julian is the blurry one in dark, Javelle to his right)

(ed. note - the photos were taken with my phone again - sorry, it's the best i can do. think of it as an invitation to use your imagination - remember, if you don't use it, it will fall off! wait, wrong saying, anyway, the photos are in disarray)

we've known these two brothers since Julian was 11 or 12 and Javelle was 13. They would come out to our gym to play ball. They started coming one summer when there weren't many people populating the jewnasium, so there was a lot of room for hanging out and talking. We became friends. Sort of mentors. older guys who liked the younger guys, basically. This worked out well for them because as the fall rolls around, so too does the amount of people playing ball indoors. and because they were young, no one wanted to allow them to play with us.

we used to have a standing unwritten rule that if you were under 16 (sometimes 18, depending on who you asked, and who was asking), you played on the other side of the gym. our gym has two courts, the A court (for the good players) and the B court, for the kids/less talented players.

they wanted to play with us, and we'd fight to have them play. this endeared us to them, i believe, because we showed a genuine concern for their happiness. as the years have gone by, this has ended up serving louis and i well, i believe, because javelle is now the best, pound for pound player in the gym. jamie might give him a run for the title, but i'm going with javelle because he's 17. you shouldn't be that good at 17 (he's actually 16, but his birthday is coming up and he keeps telling people he's 17 - you remember how it is).

there are times when you have to gaurd javelle, and because of this old bond we have, he won't play you too hard and embarrass you (easy to do). not all the time, but sometimes you can tell. i used to tell him to bring it, and he does bring it a bit harder when i'm gaurding him, but not all the way. he's trying to be nice. he plays a little lazier defense on me too. oh he won't give up any buckets, but he'll let me dribble for a minute before picking off my pass.

his brother is going to be the bodygaurd to lou and i. every 2 months julian grows an inch, loses his baby fat and becomes tougher to gaurd. one day, when one of us is about to get mugged in a dark alley, some huge black dude is going to pick up the robber and throw him in a dumpster. "that's fergie!", the big huge black dude will say, and then start giggling.

anyway, these kids are super nice guys. they have a good family. while at the game, we sat with their dad (who has played ball with us before and is really really good), their mom was their with her boyfriend in the front left row, their sister was up in the back, and javelle's girlfriend was there too. we were a weird family. it was awesome. having people show up to support you like that is beautiful. taking time out of their day to say "you matter to me". little things make life beautiful.

julian and javelle seemed pumped to have us there too. it was the only time this year that their schools will face off against each other so we wanted to support them both. we were hooting and cheering and taunting and applauding both teams any time javelle or julian did something good. javelle was the best player on the floor, hands down. it was like he was playing with 9 year olds. no one could stop him, no one knew what to do with all the crazy passes he was dropping on them. it was awesome. the best part was, they had to guard each other.

the sweetest part was when julian (who is less talented than javelle) got the ball at the 3 point line, and javelle was on him. julian likes to take that shot. javelle knows that, they're tight friends. so javelle, who is a defensive legend as well as offensive, took a slight step backwards and muttered under his breath - "take it" to julian, indicating that he wanted him to shoot the shot. but not as a taunt, as a freebie, as a gift, as a sign of love, and caring. lou and I were front row.

good times.

the best or worst pic is how javelle's team, which is a school at dundas and bloor, is all black kids. and julians' school, which is at harbord and manning is all white kids (except for julian and his friend). high income at harbord, low income at dundas and bloor. to see the effects/affects of race drawn this clearly is bizarre.

here it is: - NOPE - can't do that, i've just realized. well, as you've noticed, all the pics are at the top.

some more pics. nothing major. just two brothers having fun shooting hoops. there were stories to tell, but i'm tired. yes, it's only 4:30. i'm having trouble getting over the pyschological barrier that is MIDNIGHT. anything before midnight is too early to go bed. then i'm up at 5:45.

i'll get it right soon.

the snowflakes this morning in the cold dark toronto landscape of the annex was absolutely beautiful. the city is almost yours alone that early in the morning. but that's the beauty of cities, in part, is that you're never ever alone. we share everything with someone else, constantly.

more soon.
i've been having thoughts about things.
i' will purge them soon enough.

hinto, call me/email about lunch this week. i can't remember which day.

and for ballers, remember to read my buddy zack's raptors blog. he's a reporter that hangs around the team and asks questions (and yes, he asked one for me! - fantasy ballers must read it)

thank you, nba

http://www.nba.com/rm/Happy_Birthday_December-153601-899.html?loc=textvideo#

this link is GOLD.

WARNING: only click it if you like basketball... a lot. otherwise it will bore the pants of you.

i giggled the entire time. there's at least one baller in there who, when kids see the video, see him and start crying - "but i don't WANT him at my birthday!!!!". awesome. he should be ashamed. it's okay, though, they don't make him say his name, the nba is just like: "uh, dirk speaks german and we need a white person on here".

that's it.

forgive me in advance

while in newfoundland, i told my cousins josh (12) and jordan (16) about blue angels.

neither believed that farts were ignitable.

i understand their skepticism: it's too good to be true. the adolescent joys of lighting things on fire and farting in front of other people could be combined? no way. died and gone to heaven. i can't even think of a similar cojoining of delights, that's how rare that is.

yeah, i tried to show them how it was done, but i had a couple feeble attempts. apparently, all those mussels i was picking and eating from the beach weren't creating flammable air pockets to entertain young males.

so i left newfoundland.

when they came to visit in the summer, they still didn't believe it would work, and told me so. i tried again. nothing.

so i scoured the net. i consider myself adept at searching, but i couldn't really find anything that was proof beyond a reasonable doubt. (20,000 entries, and none of those images looking like a man with a lighter near his butt)

a friend of mine said that there would be legions of entries online somewhere, and to leave it to him. well, he's done me proud. i present to you a very funny clip. thank you johnny and melissa and isabella.

this clip gives hope to young boys everywhere that they will meet a girl who actually wants to have sex with them, that they will get that car on their 16th birthday, that their acne will go away, that they will grow up and lose that baby fat, they'll be the funniest, and somebody's favorite, and understood.

CLICK HERE TO ENJOY

the gods must be crazy (or picasso is in charge of sea-life design) or the one eyed giant just found what he was looking for

too cool. i love seeing things like this that are just unthinkable until you see the photo and learn that they're swarming japan. fucking fantastic. at least they're learning to eat them (the people eating the jellyfish, not the other way around). maybe you all knew about this creature and i'm behind the times.

that would explain why i'm really into the killers "all the things that i've done", tupac's "ghetto gospel" and kanye's "family business". yes, i know their other respective songs, but suddenly these three songs are #'s 1, 2, and 3 on ye olde ipode. (to those not in the know, those are/were popular bands previous albums that i have rediscovered. it would be like picking up a rolling stones album and going "satisfaction? this song ROCKS!" in 1983. )

in this age of not buying albums, much goes undiscovered. it's like not seeing the other half of the menu at mcdonalds, and just when you think you're sick of their food - bam - ghetto gospel. (to those who receive the email version of the blog, this is where i cut out the hooters part. in case you were wondering, i wasn't going to link to a large mammary page)

the original jellyfish article is also pasted below. click the link if you want.

check out the bottom where it describes what a man-o-war jellyfish really is (i'm skeptical), and what a group of jellyfish are called. why i oughta...!!!



http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-1910322,00.html

By Richard Lloyd Parry in Tokyo
THEY are called echizen kurage and they sound like monsters from the trashier reaches of Japanese science fiction.
They are 6ft wide and weigh 450lb (200kg), with countless poisonous tentacles, they have drifted across the void to terrorise the people of Japan. Vast armadas of the slimy horrors have cut off the country’s food supply. As soon as one is killed more appear to take its place.
NI_MPU('middle');
Finally, the quarrelsome governments of the region are banding together to unite against the enemy.
Echizen kurage is not an extraterrestrial invader, but a giant jellyfish that is devastating the livelihoods of fishermen in the Sea of Japan. Nomura’s jellyfish, as it is known in English, is the biggest creature of its kind off Japan and for reasons that remain mysterious its numbers have surged in the past few months.
The problem has become so serious that fishery officials from Japan, China and South Korea are to meet this month for a “jellyfish summit” to discuss strategies for dealing with the invasion. Japan’s ruling Liberal Democratic Party has formed a jellyfish countermeasures committee and fishermen are at work on technology to keep the marauders out of their nets.
The problem first became obvious in the late summer when fishermen chasing anchovies, salmon and yellowtail began finding huge numbers of the jellyfish in their nets.
Often the weight of the echizen kurage broke the nets or crushed the fish to death; those that survived were poisoned and beslimed by their tentacles.
Fishermen on the northern tip of Honshu, Japan’s main island, were forced to suspend work at the height of the lucrative salmon season.
In Akita prefecture some communities saw their incomes fall by 80 per cent. The gizzard shad fishers of South Korea have also been plagued by the Nomura’s.
In some places jellyfish density is reported to be a hundred times higher than normal. Worst of all, no one yet understands why. One theory is that global warming is heating up the seawater and encouraging jellyfish breeding.
Some observers blame heavy rains in China over the summer, which flowed out from rivers and propelled abnormal numbers of jellyfish towards Japan. Nutrients in its river water may have given them extra zip — or overfishing has allowed the growth of the populations of plankton on which the jellyfish feed.
Screens and meshes have been designed that allow fish through but keep out anything bigger, and a web of metal wires can be placed inside a net to chop the jellyfish to pieces.
In the meantime locals are making the best of it — rather than just complaining about jellyfish they are eating them.
Jellyfish are an unusual ingredient of Japanese cuisine but are much more prized in China. Coastal communities are doing their best to promote jellyfish as a novelty food, sold dried and salted.
Students in Obama have managed to turn them into tofu, and jellyfish collagen is reported to be beneficial to the skin.
SEA MONSTERS
The most poisonous jellyfish is the Australian sea wasp, or box jellyfish, with enough venom to kill 60 people. Wearing tights is an effective defence
The largest jellyfish ever found was a lion’s mane, with a bell 2m (7ft) across, and tentacles extending more than 35m
The notorious Portuguese man o’war is not a jellyfish at all but a collection of different organisms including stinging tentacles
Jellyfish have both male and female characteristics. A group releases sperm and eggs which mix in the water
A collection of jellyfish is known as a smack

the phoenix

yesterday was my first day on the job.

i wore my new pants ($39.99 at Club Monaco outlet)
and my new tie (DKNY - $24.99 at Winner's)
my new shirt ($49.99 at Club Monaco outlet)
and my old boots (prada knockoffs from 6 years ago for my birthday - thanks mom :). i

i own no clothing that I paid full price for. none. scarf, mitts, hats, pants, socks, underwear, shoes, basketball shoes (ebay), or whatever. never pay retail. yes. you can look this good (see above) with that attitude. (i await your frothy and evil responses below)

so my job.

it's great actually. i'm an editor at desjardin securities. i make good coin. my office mates are really friendly and the atmosphere is very chill. it's not an entry level position, so i'm not jockeying with 23 year olds who want to move up the chain. for this type of job, this is as high as you go.

fortunately, the editors are a little artier than the analysts (an editor edits what the ANALyst unearths about various companies and sectors regarding the stock markets - we are the last defense before it goes to reuters and bloomberg etc - we're actually paid to be the anal ones - figuratively).

my office mate is a good dude. he reminds me of Pat Russel, actually. he has his master's in english, was obtaining his PhD before running out of money, and was hiding in Korea teaching at a university there before realizing that he had to put a foot down in canada somewhere or he'd never be able to work in the country: "so, you're 34, and you've never worked in canada?". so he's been at the company for a year. he's the newest guy there. he says the turnover is insanely low. the job i have is a maternity leave. these are good signs.

everyone seems to be generally nice. it's only day two, but i'm hopeful.

so here's the deal.

i work from 7am until 3pm.

i'm in heaven.

i get to still have some life. 3 oclock is pretty early. i was told i would be working until 5:30 every day.

it turns out that that was a way to find out if i'd be okay with the job. she said there will be nights when you stay that late. the guy in my office, daniel, works from 6 in the morning until 6 at night a lot of times. but then, we're paid by the hour, so, i guess it adds up and he's fine with it.

i work 40 hours a week, and when i go over 45, i get time and a half. she said that when i learn the ropes, i will be working lots of overtime. right now, i'm kind of useless so there's no point in paying me overtime to learn the ropes.

i'll keep you posted. today i danced home listening to wolf parade.

i got two hours of sleep last night.

too much coffee. a sleeping pill couldn't even keep me down. stacey was annoyed because i kept moving, getting up, taking some pepto for heartburn at 12:20, drinking water, peeing, taking a prevacid pill for the heartburn at 12:40. finally the sleeping pill at 1:15. stacey got up and put the fan on the chair at 1:45. it was too hot. she left for the couch at 2:30. she came back to bed at 5. my alarm was about to go off 40 minutes later, but i was up.

i'm about to take a nap. i wasn't sure sleep would come, but it has crept up on me like a thief. i play basketball tonight. rest i must.

POTTER

This movie is fucking awesome.

You 'may' need to have read the books, mostly just to know what polyjuice lotion is, and to help fill in some of the gaps about what's really go on in the background (ie. that hogwarts is on edge the entire time), but this movie was incredibly well done. written, directed, acted. sad to see the new dumbledore isn't half as good as the actor who died.

remember when you'd see a movie as a kid, and things felt very new? remember how you felt when you first saw the matrix? well, it's not 'quite' as big a deal as that, but it's quite eye-popping.

i think the reason i was blown away was that i had read the books, and i had created these images in my head. to see them in digital celluloid was much more vivid. take some of the most creative people in their field (the digital creators), combine them with a great director and a demanding producer and some respect to ms. rowling, and you end up with a visual that is much better than my creative mind came up with.

i have a desire to always be wowed, i WANT to be amazed, i want to smile and giggle with delight at the unthinkable.

if you're a fan of the books, you've probably seen this movie. if you haven't, don't want for the dvd. if you're not a fan of the books, but have seen the others and wasn't really sold on them, this one is entirely different.

every trilogy has its dark centre. this is potter's. star wars has 'the empire strikes back', the lord of the rings has FORGET TITLE SO INSERT IT YOURSELF. all stories (or most), have an internal arc.

they move from the light, towards darkness, and back to the light. generally. in a movie, the middle part, act 2, is typically the struggle against evil/time/trouble/drugs/injustice/etc. the last act is the overcoming of that. over the course of a trilogy, it mimics the 3 act structure, making each film/book an act. and within that, fractals.

the holy trinity. triptic (sp). triskelion (my tattoo). we're enamoured by THREE. it works on our consciousness in a unifying way, if we can balance the three properly. in a painting, a triptych (sp again, hoping to get it right along the way), the painter tries to balance the elements. so does a writer of a film. do does the writer of a trilogy. potter is a mammoth collection of books that i'm guessing will be able to be broken down into a trilogy. the first three books were all small. the goblet of fire was the first of the massive, and marked the beginning of harry's adolescence. an interesting 'dark time'. the last few books will be harry overcoming his obstacles and stumbling out of adolescence as a man. there's a trilogy in there.

do i have a point?
no. not really. i'm still not on the patch so i'm looking for distractions.
i just find it fascinating the way trinities work on us.

the patch even works on a trinity. you start on 21 micrograms, then go to 14, then 7.

sarah is coming over for brunch so i'd best start cooking. she just buzzed the door as i typed that, actually.

arivaderci!

my last weekend of freedom

my last weekend of freedom starts now.

tonight i'm off to see harry potter, and then i'm going to go out for an expensive dinner, just because i'm BACK BABY! I'M BACK IN THE FLOW!

i usually splurge big when i get a big chunk of change. when i won $1000 at the casino i bought a laptop. when i got my first wave gig, i leased a 4runner and bought a laptop. when i got my second chunk of telefilm money i went to NYC and bought a laptop. when i got my gig on mustard pancakes i bought a dvd surround sound jobbie. and then i bought a car. and then i got a huge chunk of telefilm money, and i didn't buy a damned thing because i had to go to school and pay for it and all. and i had just bought a car.

so now i'm back in the flow.

and all i've rewarded myself with is work clothes. shame.

as a freelancer, you have to live frugal. i'm the king of frugal, in fact, in another language, i'm sure that frugal and fergus are spelled the same. but when you get a nice little nugget of $$, it's nice to reward yourself.

so i'm going to eat like a king. i love food.

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE i went out this morning to take care of some things and forgot to put my nicotine patch on. i walked past a woman and she smelled bad and i got SO mad i wanted to yell at her that she 'FUCKING SMELLS, TAKE A SHOWER!'.

knowing that this is not like me, i wondered where the hell that burst of rage came from, and then i realized i was out in the city without my crutch. i started to rush home to put one on, but then i figured i might as well give it a go. i'm now nicotine free for the whole day. last night i took off the patch at 1 am. i have been 'free' ever since.

my flesh feels really hot though.

and i want to fucking punch stuff.

no one can understand. those who have quit can't quite recall the edge you get. i played video games in the afternoon, not for pleasure, although it is fun, but to keep the mind on the long term goal of not smoking. anything. i'm going to try

a) overeating popcorn
b) overeating delicious fat food
c) alcohol
and
d) sex

whatever it takes, my friend, i'm willing to go the distance.

pics from the raptors game

only thing noteworthy in here is that the shot of the shotclock shows that there is 2 seconds left in a great tied game (2 seconds before the game becomes untied, in their favour).

another shot is, i think, jalen rose getting dunked on, which is awesome.

other than that, my cameraphone doesn't have great resolution so you get what you can.

and jen, thank you for the info :)