tough times

depression follows poverty. luckily, i aim to cure my poverty by quitting smoking using zyban, thereby alleviating both afflictions. october 3rd, the day of my gal's birthday is the day.

am applying to teacher's college these days, and am just dumbstruck by the questions they want you to fill out. they're very confusing because they seem so simple, and you wonder, 'they're basing their acceptance on how i write this, soooo, what am i missing?'. they only give you a few lines, and you've got to come up with something about how you're going to change the future of education based on this one time you looked at a kid with a ruler in your hand. i'm perplexed. fortunately, i'm an infamous bullshitter.

almost all of my friends are libra's. it's so strange.

hinto, joel, stacey, and i'm missing someone. sorry someone i'm missing, i'm sure i'll come to the party (no not you JT, i think you're on the cusp of libra and some other sign, hence your permanently mottled state)

busy month for the parties.

am going to casino niagara for joel's party. unemployed and in a casino. sadly enough, i probably fit right in.

stacey has opted out of karaoke (i do not CARE how to spell it), and wants instead peace and quiet.

hinto is having a bbq luncheon or something like that.

and i'm having humble pie every freaking day.

i'm not posting again until i have something positive to report. (no, fantasy sports does not count, fortunately)

This is how they get you

that little face kills me. My Aunt Evelyn's dogs that were kicking around when me and my gal were back home in the summer.

Funny how cute things are when they are tiny. Why does this dog get a free pass with me, just because it could be one of the cutest things i've ever seen? He could be a vicious killer. Maybe that look into the camera is saying "if i were a foot taller, you'd be coming out of my ass in 2 two days, buddy". We have these predispositions to people based on how they look. "he looks like a nice guy", "he looks trustworthy", "she looks stuck up".

Considering that we all understand how we wear masks in our day to day life, and knowing that looks are deceiving, it's incredible that we can assume someone is X by the way they look. I think, perhaps, that the way someone's face/shape/movements are does in fact shape the person they become.

The kid that looks a bit like a geek, gets treated like a geek, becomes a geek.
The pretty girl who is given everything along the way becomes accustomed to being a princess, and is a princess.

Of course we have deviations, but perhaps there is something to physiogyny (i'm too lazy to look it up, but it was big in the 17th and early 18th centuries as a way of knowing someone's personality by the shape of their face). It's been around a long time, and we would still take one look at a door to door salesman and decide right then and their if we should listen to them. We would do the same thing in a bar, at a job interview (no, none to speak of, thanks for asking), on the street - there are types of people that come up to you in toronto and ask for change - sometimes you give, sometimes you don't - why? Because of their 'looks'.

If you look like a dumb bully as a child, you may be treated as a dumb bully. As you grow up, reacting to that treatment, you become shaped by it. Are you YOU? Or are you a product of what others think YOU are?

Why do taller people earn more money? Because 'taller' is a relative term (in china i'm tall, in canada, not so much), and shorter people 'look up' to (literally and figuratively) taller people, assigning them traits they may/may not have - but by the time they have developed, they have assumed a superiority over shorter people that shorter people have given them? I don't have the answers, i'm merely a vessel of infinitely pointless questions.

I believe my size and my look lend people to believe i'm intelligent. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it's the case. I will constantly prove people wrong, but they insist i'm making a joke, or think i'm saying something deeper than they understand. so i live a lie that other people forge for me, which, in my case, i'm happy to oblige them. wouldn't want to ruffle their worldview.
that said, i did make the dean's honour list for english. I've started putting it on my resume, because i can't think of what else to do with the 'honour'.


BRIEF PERSONAL WORK UPDATE

the boy who changed everything, my telefilm pitch, got canned and an older project called "the saint john's" was resurrected, and rightfully so. i've finished it and will be sending it off shortly. the next couple of weeks will be spent prepping the application, contacting producers about my second draft of 'screech', the newfie musical that is HILARIOUS, if i do say so myself, and applying to teacher's college. i still haven't found a job.

plugged in, a pervert of the airwaves

http://stfunoob.com/nola/scanner.pls

put that link in your browser, and you're listening, live, to a scanner picking up the Emergency Communication Frequencies in New Orleans/ Baton Rouge. It's so bizarre. Beyond bizarre. I am disconnected from something terrible that I'm fascinated by. I think I enjoy listening because it is so disconnected, it's so calm that it makes the horror of Katrina fade away. At night, it's quiet, but in the daytime there is so much activity, and they're still not coordinated.

the politicization behind this is obscene. why can't anyone admit they were wrong? not just about this, but about WMD, about getting Bin Laden, about abuse at Abu Gharab... it's always 'deflect and defame', and it works. Karl Rove is spinning the inactivity to blaming the local governments. I've been doing a lot of research into all this political deception (mostly using the huffington post).

here's an interesting little article, but i can't find a great one i read today. It's not as though I have anything to add to all this. It's just digusting that politicians can't be adult/mature/responsible/intelligent enough to say "we screwed up, we want to fix it, it's my fault, let's go save some people".

the US administration are, unbelievably, making me lose faith in humanity. because they 'represent' the american people, i feel that the most powerful nation in the world is full of absolute maniacs that speak out of both sides of their mouths - religious and 'christ-like' on the one hand, and selfish pigs on the other.

other news:

not much. opted to stay in toronto for the long weekend instead of going to the cottage. the cottage is great, but sometimes it's nice to take the city back. I went and saw "annie get your gun" on its last day in town. It was okay. billy ray cyrus as the lead? not because he's cheesy or anything, but he was probably the flattest actor i have seen in my life, and that is not an exaggeration. poor bastard.



what an odd blog - bush to billy ray, hate to achy breaky. all in a day's work, folks.

not pleased

so i finish my degree and enter the 'real' workworld for the first time. I've never worked in an office or at a 9 - 5 job. this is very new. and very frustrating. i went to a headhunting agency that my friend, hinto, went to. He has just gotten a government job as a junior policy analyst. not bad. what do i get offered today? if i might insert 10,000 pieces of paper into a Molson mail out for three days. i didn't even ask how much it paid. that's depressing.

yesterday i was offered a job for 6 weeks that paid 11 dollars an hour doing data entry (because on my test it showed that i was a fast typer - yeah, i guess, i've been a fucking writer most of my life). now, 11 an hour works out to $440 a week, minus taxes, puts you somewhere around 375 per week. WHAT?!? maybe outside toronto one can live on that, but not in this city.

i'm trying to pay down some bills and save for teacher's college next year. so for all that education i have, i'm a mail stuffer and a typer... this 'real world' thing is a scam. i'm scrambling to find something else, but the money is about to run out and i'm about to sink.

i forgot to check last night's lotto numbers. perhaps things are about to change. hope floats eternal.