money

you need it.

because you need it, you want it.

sometimes you want it even when you don't need it.

i went for a job interview yesterday. it was at a big banking institution that is involved primarily with investing. i told the nice conservative lady how i loved that the stock markets could be viewed as having the entire global economy on dialysis, monitoring the world view tick past.

this is blatantly not true.

she asked me if, as an artist, how i felt about the capitalist system. i said it's not perfect, but it seems to do the most good for the most people. she said, then how do you feel about our governments support for the arts. i felt like i was being innoculated against liberalism. so i trashed the very system that had given me my income ever since leaving school. first wave, after all, was also privy to tax breaks and bonuses from the government. then on to telefilm, all the films i worked on which were american companies shooting here for the government benefits, and even mustard pancakes (no comment).

it was as though i had to destroy the hand that fed me, in order to be given food by this new, 'proper' and 'capitalist' hand. it was spooky. i can't express this enough. why were we having this conversation about my incongruency between believing in a capitalist system and then also believing in cultural protectionism? there was a subtext and it was: this is the real world. dog eat dog. i'll fucking kill you for your salary so sit up straight, pray to jesus, support the death penalty and lower taxes for the rich, and believe in the power of money or i'll throw you back to the hippies you artistic leper. you've been living off of daddy's handouts long enough.

i felt sick to my stomach with this slap in the face to my past, so i added an addendum - i said that the film world handouts don't work because there are too many pigs at the trough, abusing the system. the money isn't allocated properly. of course i believe this - all struggling artists who miss out on the pot of gold accuse those who do get it of abuse. doesn't make it true, but it feels good to say, sometimes.

i also said that the government help incubate start ups, that many countries do this, especially when faced with extraordinary pressure from outside the country (ie. USA). cultural protectionism is a strange concept because it is as though the government is suggesting that artists define the national identity. i know it's more complicated than that, but if i may use blanket statements, and i will, than that's it in a nutshell. the government is paying for the abstract.

even my initial chosen field of academia, economics, is abstract. nothing exists but in our heads. i wanted to explain to ms. capitalist interviewer that the economics of protectionism make the money the government dolls out come back in double.

so the job i went out for, i got the interview through replying to an add on craigslist. it turns out, a headhunting agency was posting it. so i'm going through a headhunting agency, which means that if i get the job, a part of my wage goes to the agency, because the agency is the one paying me. fine. it pays $19 an hour, which is fine. i'm just doing this until next september anyway, when i go to teachers college.

i was told that the job was to start at 8 am, and go until 5. that's fine, i can live with that.

at the interview i find out that the job starts at 7 am, and goes until 5:30, and that many times i might be there until midnight. oh, and if you think that's okay for you, mr. hippy, remember that just because you were there until midnight doesn't mean you can come in a little later the next day - 7 am, sharp (and i'm sure if i slept there they'd be okay with that too).

okay, i said, that's fine, i've done worse. it's hourly, right, so there's an incentive there, and i can be financially motivated to work those hours, sure. if i'm working 15 hours a day, i'll snag almost $300, and that, i can live with. well, not exactly, it is hourly now, but we're trying to change that... and go with a flat rate.

wellllll of course you are. anything else would mean that you'd be a socialist hippy, by actually paying them for the hours they worked. no, it makes more sense to pay them a flat fee, of course, haha, hahaha, let's have tea! splendid.

and that was my interview with the capitalists. splendid.

the tragic-comedy begins now, because i'm fairly confident i'll get the job.

the job is: proofreading the insane amount of reviews of various stocks written by senior analysts. pages upon pages about X company. these men (and they are all men) know more about XX mining company than their own families. i'm serious. they can tell you a companys birthday, they can guess what the company is going to do, it's entire wonderful and fascinating history... it's woefully depressing.

my job would be to make sure the sentences and numbers are correct. and there are crazy deadlines. the 7 am start is to ensure that when all the investors and people who work at the company arrive, there is a slew of reports for them at 8:15.

and if i get the job, i'm going to have to take it. it pays too well. am i a victim? am i a cog? well, i get paid well enough to get moving on to teacher's college, so despite me crying victim about waking up at 6 am and working 12 hours, i'm using them as much as they're using me (?). probably not. obviously they make more than they pay me, but if i'm willing to work for them, then it's a fair barter.

if a company hires a recent university graduate, they get a percentage of that persons wage back in taxes. i wonder if they knew i was a recent grad, if they'd use it. i wonder if ms. capitalist would.

socialism is a poor man's capitalism.

capitalism is an abstract concept that makes monsters. and makes me get up at 6 in the morning. well, if i'm lucky.