constance

I had a monster night playing ball last night. i was unstoppable. the only drawback was that i was dropping my shots on fellow friend/baller/fantasy pooler/late night phone caller louis. such mixed blessings. when i hit the last game winner, a fake left, spin right hook shot in the lane, he said, "you can celebrate more, it was a good shot". i didn't want to rub it in.

my dear friend joel wanted to make a documentary about my father. at first i thought it would be fine because joel is a gentle and wise soul, and i have known him since i was in grade 4, which is the longest i've known anyone. then i balked. i realized i wouldn't be comfortable with someone playing with my father and my family's legacy like that. When money is involved, things get strange. if he was doing it for free, i think i'd be okay with it. but to do it to make a buck feels exploitative and so i shut it down. sadly.

i feel bad for joel, he was so excited to do it and he was going to frame it around my family tracking down the 8 half brothers and sisters we've never met. yes, for my mother, i was a first born. for my father, i'm number 11. perdita (translation: lost child) is my mother and father's 'LAST child'.

yes, my parents hung with atwood and lawrence (the margarets), yes, dad punched farley mowat, yes, they were a part of the canadian literati scene. It can seem so bloody interesting when looking into the past at all of these incredible public figures that were just drunk on the couch, but i'm not interested in seeing that story. i see it all the time. in my head. (no, i'm not crazy... heh.. right?)

sometimes we drop things on our friends that make us feel good, but has the opposite affect on them. in basketball, that's the nature of competition - i try hard to stop you, you try to stop me, we elevate our game and have fun doing it, and when it's all over, we go out for a bite to eat (i had the P4 at noodle bowl, by the way, and it's DELICIOUS).

in the world of business, the nature of competition is such that it can obliterate friendships, and i value friendships more than business so in the case of joel, whose friendship i am honoured to cultivate, i opted to nip the business aspect in the bud before it could blossom.

in an email i wrote, i said: in rereading this email, i remember that you're such a wonderful and gentle soul. i hope i have not offended, you are so kind, generous, patient - all of the qualities i value in our species. you are a prince among men, and i am honoured to call you a friend.

enough on that.

today, my mom is in town and sleeping over. her and her friend dorothy are in the big city to go shopping to help her friend get over some recent unfortunate events. that's so cute. right now, as i type, they're probably laughing really loud about the fact that mom is about to vomit on the subway.

life is a beautiful circus peppered with laughter. my memories are generally a faded grey, and all i remember is laughter breaking the haze like fireworks, popping, cracking, booming over the universe that is my life.